Children who refuse to follow instructions, consistently disrupt lessons, or completely withdraw from socialising draw immediate concern from teachers and parents. In a classroom or at home, behaviour is the first thing noticed and at times the only one addressed. Behaviour can be a way of communication when children do not possess the words to express their emotions. Child psychology is an alarm clock that rings to remind us that behaviour is mere message, perhaps a challenge, but it certainly is not a final verdict. Responding to children’s difficulties inaccurately can deepen their struggles rather than solve them.

What Lies Beneath the Surface Behaviour?

Emotional distress is an internal emotional experience including fear, sadness, insecurity, or overload of emotions. Since children lack expressive vocabulary and communication skills, such experiences are far more hidden and harder to articulate than adults. The attachment theory by John Bowlby (1988) states the importance of emotional security and responsive caregiving for effective emotional regulation. If this sense of safety is disrupted by various factors, emotional distress can turn into maladaptive behaviours. According to Journal of Clinical Child and Adolescent Psychology shows that childhood anxiety quite often observed as social withdrawal, task avoidance, disruptive behaviour, and emotional outburst rather than expressing feelings of fear verbally (Conrod et al., 2006). Misunderstanding manifests into stigmatized labelling of emotionally distressed children as difficult, unmotivated and misbehaving. An emotionally disturbed child is not choosing to misbehave, their emotions have likely interrupted their ability to cope, regulate and focus on their reactions.

Behaviour problems on the other hand refer to repeated and observed actions that disrupt children’s routines, learning or relationships. In child psychology, behavioural problems are often associated to difficulties with self-regulation and impulse control. Such behaviours may look like defiance, impulsivity, tantrums and difficulty following rules. Children may know the rules but struggle to stop themselves in the moment. According to B.F. Skinner (1963) behaviours is shaped by consequences. So, if your child receives attention, escapes from tasks or rewarded after acting out, the behaviour is likely to continue. For instance, a child that frequently bites their sibling and receives attention from parents in form of a laugh may learn that this is a way of yielding positive reactions. As time passes, such patterns of behaviour turn into habits that are not easily reversed, unless addressed with consistent and appropriate methods. In some cases, behavioural problems are linked to developmental conditions such as, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) or oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) which require structured support and interventions, not punishment.

Why Behavioural and Emotional Distinction Matters?

At first glance, behavioural problems and emotional distress may look similar. A distressed child may refuse to work, lash out, or shut down; behaviours that resemble defiance or laziness. However, the underlying causes are significantly different. When emotional distress is treated as a behavioural problem, children may be punished for something they cannot control, leading to increased anxiety, shame, or withdrawal. Treating a true behavioural issue as purely emotional may delay the structure and skill-building the child requires. A key difference between emotional distress and behavioural problems is that emotional distress is context dependant whereas, problematic behaviours are consistent. A child experiencing emotional distress may appear calm at home but anxious in school environments. Conversely, a child struggling with impulse control may display similar behaviours at home, school and other settings. Many educators use reinforcement systems such as, token economies, structured routines and praise, yet psychology research reminds us that such systems work best combined with emotional attunement.

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How to identify emotional distress behind behaviour:

 • Notice whether behaviour changes depending on setting or stress level.

 • Look for sudden shifts in mood, participation, or academic performance.

 • Watch for avoidance, withdrawal, or perfectionism alongside disruption.

Supportive strategies for classrooms and home:

 • Prioritise connection before correction.

 • Establish predictable routines to reduce anxiety.

 • Teach and model emotional vocabulary.

 • Offer choices to increase a child’s sense of control.

 • Reinforce coping skills, not only compliance.

 • Avoid public punishments that increases shame.

 • Provide safe spaces for regulation when overwhelmed.

 • Communicate regularly between home and school about observed patterns.

 • Involve school counsellors or child psychologists when concerns persist.

It is high time we discover that children are not intentionally be giving us a hard time, they could be having a hard time. Behaviour problems and emotional distress externally appear similar but require different approaches, misinterpretation can delay meaningful support.

References

Bowlby, J. (1988). A Secure Base: Clinical Applications of Attachment Theory. British Journal of Psychiatry, 153(05), 721. https://doi.org/10.1192/s0007125000224197

Conrod, P. J., Stewart, S. H., Comeau, N., & Maclean, A. M. (2006). Efficacy of Cognitive–Behavioral Interventions Targeting Personality Risk Factors for Youth Alcohol Misuse. Journal of Clinical Child & Adolescent Psychology, 35(4), 550–563. https://doi.org/10.1207/s15374424jccp3504_6

Skinner, B. F. (1963). Operant Behaviour. American Psychologist, 18(8), 503–515. https://doi.org/10.1037/h0045185

Written by Nimra Nadeem